Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
