Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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