So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Randomize
