Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Is it because I queefed?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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