woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
