why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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