Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
