we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize