Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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