I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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