life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
