bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
