So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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