oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
