I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
