..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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