I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
