I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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