Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
