You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
