Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
