no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
