remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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