piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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