Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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