the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
