just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Someone shattered a urinal.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
