This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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