Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
