omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
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