I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
porn star boner night. come get it.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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