clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
