I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
