Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
