I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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