No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
