Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
