i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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