i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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