Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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