They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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