i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I enjoy the company of your penis
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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