My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
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