I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
