I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
