He is such a slut. More and more my type.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
