One girl and one boy is just not enough.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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