i think my tv is drunk
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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