the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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