what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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