I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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