i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize