Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
