by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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