You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Randomize
