do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
