I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize