Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
