there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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