oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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