Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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