You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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