I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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